Regrets
by she-took-my-coffee120
Summary: A reenactment of mid summer season 2. It's my first story please be nice.
1. Chapter 1

**There's been some changes. For those who already read it**

* * *

"I'm in love." Kate whispered. When she realize it, it was too late he was gone.

On the way to Lanie's apartment, she kept on thinking about all the things he'd done for her. She knew, he would give her the world if she wanted it. But she knew she already had the world, him. It terrified her when she realized she was in love with him. It scared her, how will they survive with all the reporters following them around, how they will always get into her nerves. But what had terrified her even more was, him leaving her all alone.

"Hey, Lanie." She said with a sad smile. The hint of emotion in her eyes, causes her friend to question her quickly.

"Hey girl, what are you doing here?" she asked, her eyebrow raising.

"I need to talk to you. Now." She said with a stern voice.

She let her in her apartment, and let her sat down on her couch. She gave her a few minutes to think about what's she's going to tell to her.

"So, what happened?"

"He's gone, Lanie." A teary eyed Kate said.

"WHAT? Why?" she exclaimed.

"Lanie, will you please lower your voice. You might wake your neighbors." Her eyes pleading.

"How will I lower my voice when you're not in the Hamptons with your writer!" she exclaimed.

"Lanie, I know okay." She sighed.

Finally calming down from her outburst, she said "Tell me what happened." Her voice soft and soothing.

"I was going to tell him that I wanted to go with him in the Hamptons, but then her ex-wife showed up, I never got the chance to tell him that. God, Lanie, I'm so stupid." She sobbed, covering her eyes with her palms.

Contineously saying sothing words to her, and patting her back comfortingly. She knew that this summer was going to be hard for her friend. Learning that she was in love with the writer and he left for another, made her furious and that's really, REALLY scary.

Kate sensing that her friend was going to blow any minute now, she found her hand and squeezed it. When her friend looked at her, she sensed that there was something she wasn't saying to her "Hold up, Lanie. It wasn't all his fault." She sighed. "It was part my fault, because I rejected him a lot of times. Tom and I were supposed to go spend the summer together, but when I heard he was gonna leave and never come back, I changed my mind, I don't want him to leave me. He became too attached to my life, that I never want him to walk away from me, but eventually he did. I let him slip out of my fingers when he's finally there for me to have. He looked so happy when he left with Gina." she tried to hold back the tears, but she couldn't. She just wished, she could go back in time, and fix everything, but she couldn't, it's the past and she can't change it. She regret that she became a coward, regret that she didn't admit to her feelings didn't bother to wipe her tears, because it would only be replace with fresh ones.

Her friend was patting her back again, letting all her emotions out. She never saw her friend like this, sobbing over a man. Usually when a boyfriend break's up with her, she normally moves on. But then again Castle was far from normal, when her friend told her about the first day, she said that he was arrogant, cocky, childish, and so full of himself. He can't do anything without his ego. She said, that his ego was so big that it's about to pop any minute now. But then a year passed by and they trusted one another, developed feelings for each other without noticing it, let each other know things about them in their past. Realization hit her like slap in face. _**Why didn't I see it before? I think I'm the one who's stupid.**_ She told herself. _**I should've gotten them together before this happened.**_ She knew Kate could handle herself after all she's an independent woman. But after all that's happen, she's having second thoughts. _**Will she survive this year's summer? Will she move on? Will she ever get over him? Will he come back? And if he comes back will he leave again? Will he hurt her?**_ She continues to pat her back until she calmed down.

"What am I gonna do, Lanie? I can't just move on. I love him." She looked up to her friend, hints of tears still visible.

"You really do love him, do you?" she said. Her friend nodding in confirmation. "I think he'll come around eventually. But I don't want to keep your hopes up. My best advice is to carry on, the only problem is you can't."

"You know I can't. I am deeply madly in love with him. I never felt this way before. He's very special Lanie." _**and hot, ruggedly handsome, cute, annoying, irritating, egotistical, wiseass, jackass, loves his family with all his heart. Anything synonymous to Richard Castle.**_ She added to herself.

"Like I said, I think he'll come back. But Kate don't you think it's time?" trying to convince her.

"I'm sorry, Lanie. I can't. He waited all these years just for me. The least I can do is returning the favor."

"Okay. I just want you to be happy."

"I will be, Lanie. I'm only happy whenever he's around" she sighed, the truth finally coming out of her mouth. "It's just, before he came into my life. I was serious as hell, never joked, and never even bothered to smile. But then the 9-year-old-on-a-sugar-rush came in and completely changed my life." She smiled at the thought. "He was the complete opposite of me. He never followed instructions. He breaks rules. I don't. He told me once, that smiling every once in a while isn't going to hurt." Trying to get back to the point, she said. "I need him in my life, Lanie. I don't know what I'd do without him."

"Just remember I'll always be here as your friend, no matter what. Just call me if you need me."

"Thanks, Lanie for being here for me. You're really a great friend. I'm so glad I have you." giving her friend a tight hug. She was grateful she met her, grateful that she became her friend, grateful for the times she's been there for her, grateful for her friendship.

"You're welcome, girlfriend. That's what best friends are for."

And with that Kate had hope that what her friend said was true.


	2. Chapter 2

Two months later….

She was driving to their victim's place. This was always the hardest part, telling families that their husband is not going to come home. It never gets easier. It never was. She's been there at their place, she knows how it feels to be the one who cries, who made regrets, whose father is an alcoholic, how it pains to know that nothing can ever bring her back. A tear slipped from her eyes at the thoughts. She told the victims family the truth, she doesn't want to lie to them, she never wants them to have false hopes from her. She wants to find justice for the victims, like what her mother used to do.

Pushing aside her thoughts, she continues driving. She was so frustrated with this case. She was so exhausted, she haven't even slept in two days straight! She just wants to go home, go on a ni-

Whoa!

She almost hit the guy with her car!

She brought her car into a screeching halt.

"Crap!" she shouted.

Getting out of her car. Slamming the door in the process. She couldn't believe she done it again! First a stray dog, then an old lady, who almost by the way had a heart attack, and now a guy who looks familiar, really familiar she couldn't point out when or where they had actually met. She feels like she knows him somewhere.

Wait a second…. That hair, broad shoulders, gorgeous arms, tan skin.

''Hey, are y-'' she stopped at mid-sentence, she was shocked. The guy whom she almost ran into with her car was Castle. Out of all the places in New York City, this is the place they actually 'bump' into.

''I'm fi-'' he also stopped because he wasn't expecting the woman to be Beckett.

Gazing at each others eyes. Both thought, _**I could get lost in those eyes.**_

She broke their eye contact all of a sudden, and said hustley ''Hey are you okay?'' she was a bit concerned. Okay fine. She was EXTREMELY concerned. Looking anywhere except his eyes. She couldn't quite meet them. She knows he could read her by her body language, her tone of voice, her facial expression, most especially her eyes. She didn't want him to know all the emotions she's feeling right now, with just a look from her eyes.

''How am I going to be okay, when you almost tried to killed me! And look you broke my hand!'' he told her, trying to hide his grin. But he failed to do so.

''I'm so sor-...'' she stoped abruptly, when she saw his mega watt grin grew. _**Bastard.**_ ''What the hell Castle! You almost gave me a heart attack! I want so badly to shoot you right now!'' she told him, while pinching his ear HARD.

''Ow! Ow! Ow, Beckett!'' she finally had some mercy, and let go. He started rubbing his ear frantically. ''Oh my god! This is going to be swollen for days!''

''You should've known better not to joke on me like that.'' she said seriously.

''I'm sorry. Just trying to lighten up the mood.''

''Yeah, and look at what 'lighting up the mood' did to you.'' she said gesturing to his red swollen ear.

''I'm really sorry. Didn't mean to worry you.''

''It's okay, just don't do it again.'' trying to reassure herself. ''Are you really okay? Try and joke again, I will pull your ear off.''

He decided to just say the truth. ''Yeah. I'm fine.'' he said shrugging.

''Okay..Why were you running that fast anyway? You're supposed to be in the Hamptons. Why are you here?''

''I have a meeting with Paula in 5 minutes.'' So this is it he told himself. ''I'm here because I broke things off with Gina. We shouldn't have even gone to the Hamptons in the first place.''

''Why?'' was all she could manage.

''We ended up fighting just like how our divorce ended.'' he sighed

''Oh.'' she was not expecting that.

He looked at his watch ''Shit! I am so dead! We could talk later I'm really running late.'' he said in rushed tone.

''We could talk at a coffee shop near the precinct.'' she suggested.

''Sounds great! Bye!'' and with that they head off to their destinations.

**oooooooooooooooooooooo**

Rick was waiting for Kate at the corner of the coffee shop.

He still couldn't believe he ran into her. Well she was the one who almost ran into him with her car but anyway. At least he finally saw her, he'd been dying to. He just couldn't face her after all she'd done to him. It just pains that she choose Tom over him. Especially seeing that kiss, it just broke his heart. When he saw them, he realized he wasn't needed anymore in the precinct, that she'd be glad if he was gone. He just wants her to be happy, even if it means, her being with someone else.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched as Kate looked for him. When she finally saw him a smile bloom into her face while heading to their table.

''Hey'' she said when she was about to sit down. Still smiling

''Hi.'' he told her, smiling back.

''So, how are you?''

''I'm doing great. You?'' _**Lying. **_Awful since you didn't go with me.

''I'm fine'' _**Lying**_. Miserable actually since you left she added in her head.

''Are you planning on coming back to the Hamptons?'' she asked out of the blue.

''I don't know? Why?'' he asked, raising his eyebrow.

''I was maybe going to tell you that I would like to go in the Hamptons with you but you already invited Gina''

''What really?'' he told her grinning.

''I said maybe, Castle.'' she said with a smirk. With that his grin fell.

''Oh you cruel woman.'' he said with a pout. She laughed. He never herd her laugh for weeks he missed it. He missed her.

He really did look disappointed. _**No. **_She told herself. _**No way, you're gonna admit it to him. Keep calm Katie, don't let him get to you, with those big blue adorable eyes of his. **_''Okay it's true, Castle.''

_**Where did that come from? **_When she realized it was her, she covered her big fat mouth to keep her from saying things her heart wants. Apparently, her brain is on a break.

''I truly am sorry, Kate'' he said in a soft voice.

''It's okay, I am sorry too'' she said her eyes surfacing for forgiveness.

''It's o-... Wait. Why are you sorry?'' he said curiosity getting the better of him. He just doesn't see why she's apologizing.

''Don't you see it. It's also my fault.'' she said playing with the hem of her shirt.

''Apparently I don't. Why is it your fault? I'm the one who left with Gina.'' he said.

''Well if I had said yes in the first place you would've never invited Gina. I would still be with you in the Hamptons right now.''

''It wouldn't have worked, because your still with Tom.'' he said.

''No. I broke-up with him to go with you.'' she admitted, biting her botton lip.

''Wait... You left out that little detail. So you're saying that you did this for me.'' he asked, he didn't even realize it.

''No. I did this for me.'' she said sarcastically before rolling her eyes. ''I broke things off with him. It's just not what I'm looking for right now.''

He's heart broke a little. How about them? Isn't she giving them a chance? How can she give them a chance when she said it's not what she's looking for right now?

He was debating on whether he should stay or walk away.

He choose the latter.

Acting fast, she said ''Where are you going?''

''I... need some air.'' he told her bluntly.

''Okay.'' she said stupidly. She knew something was wrong. Admitting to herself that she was a coward when it comes to this.

**oooooooooooooooooooo**

Walking down New York City's summer heat wave was Richard Castle. He was beginning to regret going out for some air. Apparently all the air he was breathing was hot air, and he was sweating so badly that he might take a shower later. So he decided to take the route down to his loft.

He opened the door to his loft, and then slumped down on his couch. When he was breathing fully and comfortably again. He decided to think what to do for dinner pushing the thought of their talk for later.

_**Not what I'm looking for right now.**_

He decided to make a good old stake.

_**Not what I'm looking for right now.**_

With soup.

_**Not what I'm looking for right now.**_

**_Are you kidding me? I told you not so subtle brain that I would think about it later._**

He smelled something. Something BURNING!

''Oh cr-''. He stopped abruptly when he heard the door open. Came a happy and giggling Alexis. Guess we'll just order in, he thought to himself.

Wait a se-.

Alexis Castle doesn't giggle.

''What are giggling about?''

''None of your business.'' she said.

He frowned. **_You're the 'cool dad' . You don't need to know what's happening to her. She's your daughter. She's responsible, isn't she?_**

''Your too easy, Dad. See how I got you to imagine a good old horrible scenario.''

''Evil'' he mumbled.

''What?'' she asked, raising her eyes.

''Oh nothing. I was just thinking of what we can have for dinner.'' he said shrugging.

''Oh yeah. Forgot about that. Speaking of dinner do you smell that?'' she said, trying to locate the awful smell.

''Smell what? I'm sure it's nothing.'' he said pretending not to know.

''No I smell it. I just don't know where... Guess you were right.''

''What did you say? Did I just hear the great Alexis Castle say, me being right out of your mouth?'' he said grinning.

''I'm sure it's just a figment of your imagination.'' she said, trying to hide her smile.

''I'm sure it's not..'' he'll let it go.. _**For Now. **_He'll have other things to deal with like he's stomach growling like it's saying '**_Fe_**_**ed me. Now! Human!**_'.''but anyway, let's order-in I'm starving.'' he said. He's stomach releasing a loud growling sound.

''Yeah, me too'' she said, taping her flat stomach.

**ooooooooooooooooooo**

After eating, he washed the dishes, got rid of the steak, and got rid of the horrid smell. Alexis went upstairs to finish her homework.

Meanwhile Rick laying stomach full on his couch, cannot get up. He finally stoped trying and slumped back down.

'Guess I'll take a shower tomorrow' he thought.

_** Later is now. **_He's mind playing logic on him.

**_Okay fine! _**Why am I even letting my brain get into my nerves? Oh well I'm getting paranoid.

_**You ARE paranoid.**_

**Can_ you just shut up! I'm going to think about our talk okay!_**

Well he wants to pretend it never happened. It's not that he didn't like seeing her, it's just that he didn't like where their talk led.

He thought she's giving them a chance. Giving _**him **_ a chance. Guess he expected too much, and it hurts like hell!

When he was feeling better he got up, and went to his own room. Once in his bed, he let his thoughts linger for a while, and let sleep over come him.


	3. Chapter 3

She was surprised she saw Castle, she never expected him to go back. It wasn't easy during the last few weeks. Sleepless nights, sobbing before going to bed, thoughts of her in the Hamptons with him, how it would be like if she had said yes. She finally saw him after all these agonizing weeks! And she almost killed him! He even had the guts to joke on her like that! They really had a nice conversation, but then he became all weird and walked away.

She sighed _**better get back to work then. **_Walking through the coffee shops exit. She breathes-in, and prepares for a hot sunny day.

While she walks into the elevator, she waits for it to signal her floor. But then her mind wondered elsewhere_** What the hell happened? One minute we were having a nice conversation, then all of a sudden... Ugh. What did I do now? **_Trying hard to think of what went wrong, but nothing came up. There's only one person who can help her with this.

Getting her phone out of her pocket, pressing 3 quickly to her phone, a familiar voice suddenly picked up.

''Hey, girl! What's up?'' an enthusiastic

M.E. answered.

''I saw him, Lanie'' chewing on her bottom lip.

''Castle?'' demanding answers right away. ''When? Where? Why is he even here? He's supposed to be in the Hamptons.''

''A couple of hours ago. In the middle of the streets of New York. Let's just say something came up.''

''A couple of hours ago! And you didn't even bother to call me!''

''I'm sorry, Lanie. I just didn't have time. I...'' she's tired, she's pissed at herself because she can't figure out why Castle suddenly became all distant. She's a detective for pete's sake! It's just a small problem to solve, and she can't even do it! _**What the hell's wrong with me?**_

She gave her friend a moment to cool off.

''Apology accepted. Just call when something happens that is important."

''I really am sorry, Lanie. I promise I'll call if something important comes up in my life.''

Getting back to their previous conversation ''What happened? You better not leave out details, girl'' Lanie stated going back to her usual self.

''Or what?'' teasing her friend, so she can ease some of her frustrations away.

Narrowing her eyes at her phone. ''Girl, if you're here imma smack you hard right now.''

''Well good thing I'm not there then.''

''Oh no you don't. Come down here this instant! I want details!''

''Nope. You aren't going to get any information out of me.'' shaking her head for side to side.

_**So stubborn!**_

''KATHE-''

''Jeez, Lanie calm down I was only messing with you.''

''So, are you going to tell me or not.''

''Of course I'll tell you. That's why I called you, and I have this tiny bit of problem that we'll discuss shortly.

''Is tiny your way of saying.. Shall we say 'big'.''

''Sort of.''

''Well then, get your ass in here, and let's get it started.''

They said their goodbyes, and got off their phones.

Just when Kate's about to put her phone back into her pocket, the elevator suddenly dinged. _**Guess I'll have another ride, **_she thought, and pressed the floor where the ME was.

ooooooooooooooooooooo

The detective braced herself for one hell of an interrogation from the ME.

Pushing the doors of the morgue open, the ME suddenly pushed her back into the nearest chair.

''What, Where, When, How. Don't even think of lying, because I will show the boys including Castle, your test shots for a modeling agency.''

''You wouldn't.'' she saw the glint in her eyes. ''Don't you dare!''

''Watch me.'' she knew she would give in after all, the detective knew they would tease her mercilessly if they saw the hard steel cased detective, wearing a skirt, a MINI skirt, and being all bubbly and stuff.

Sighing, she knew she wouldn't win this round. Taking a deep breath ''Ialmosthithimwithmycar!'' she finished, she was actually surprised she even finished the sentence.

''Whoa! Slow down, girl! I heard some words, but I'm not sure if I heard it right.''

She sighed, and rolled her eyes ''I almost hit him with my car!''

''OH MY GOD! You finally killed him? After all this time?''

''Lanie, clean your ears, I said ALMOST'' rolling her eyes. ''I should've. That bastard played me!''

''What did writer-boy do now?''

''He pretended he was mad, told me that I broke his hand. I really thought it was, I felt so guilty about it. But I saw his smile grew, and I pinched his ear so hard. He deserved it.''

''I don't see why you need my help.''

She pulled her hand up, and said ''Let me finish.'' sadness suddenly emerged from her face. ''We met up in a coffee shop near the precinct. Apparently he was running late for a meeting with his agent. We talked. Told me that it was a mistake going to the Hamptons with his ex-wife.''

''Why?''

''Let's just say it wasn't pretty. And I unintentionally told him that I wanted to go with him.''

''YOU WHAT? Are you serious?'' Shocked acting like she just said she had two heads.

''You heard me right, Lanie. No thanks to my brain. That's not even the worst part, he walked out on me.''

''Why'd he do that?''

''That's what I've been hoping you could answer.''

''Okay.'' knotting her eyebrows, an idea suddenly popped into her mind. ''What did you say before he acted weird?''

''That I broke up with Tom to go with him. I told him that I wasn't looking for a relationship right now.''

''Bingo! _**Isn't **_looking for a relationship right now.

She recalled their talk as she browsed through their conversation. She was right! That's what made him back off.

''What am I going to do, Lanie?''

''Simple, call him.'' the detective was about to say something but the M.E. interrupted her. ''And no you can't do it later. Do it here, NOW.''

''But La-''

''No buts. Just do it, girlfriend.''

''But what am I going to say?''

''Just ask a straight to the point question.''

''But Lanie! I'm going to say I'm in love with him? I'm not ready to let him know yet.''

''No. Ask him on what happened to him. Why'd he walk away all of a sudden.''

Nodding her head as she pulled out her phone, and pressed 2. The first and second call attempt not according to plan. Her phone rang, and rang. Until it reached voice mail. The third attempt was like the previous ones.

Tears slipping from her eyes. ''He's avoiding me, Lanie.''

''Try and call him again later. If he still doesn't answer, then drop by at his loft, and talk to him.'' getting tissues for her to wipe the traces of tears in her face.

''I wish we get through this, Lanie. I wish he'd be back to what he was before.'' taking the tissues from the ME's hands.

''You will. If you just talk to him. Don't let him off the hook, if he says he doesn't want to talk.''

''I know. I wouldn't let him get away that easily.''

''That's the spirit, girl. So get outta here, and do what you do best, and deal with those things later.''

''I will, Lanie! Thanks for the pep talk.'' stepping out of the morgue, his actions are clearer on why he's avoiding her. She just has to find out how she could talk to him.


	4. Chapter 4

**So sorry guys! I've been really busy with studies. But don't worry I'm already working on the next chapter**

* * *

Chapter 4

They finally solved the case, but it was a little after 10. She was so tired both physically and emotionally. She wished Castle was here. He provides them food and entertainment. He stays up late with her and the boys.

She tried to call him for hours.

This was the eleventh time in an hour, and she gives up

So she decided to go to his loft. Pulling out her keys as she closed the door behind her.

ooooooooooooooooo

Slowly opening his eyes, darkness and the moon's light were the only things that registered in his mind. He glanced at his nightstand, and he saw it was only a little after eleven. He kept on thinking if he would go back to the Hamptons, to just get out of the city, away from painful memories, and away from thoughts about her. She didn't want a relationship with him anyway, and it hurts to just even think about it. So he decided he'll go back to the Hamptons tonight. He'll just leave a note for his mother and Alexis in case the both of them wonder where he was.

ooooooooooooooooo

When she was in her car, she started the engine Castle suddenly occupied her mind. _**What am I gonna do? What am I gonna say? What's gonna be he's reaction when he see's me?**_

She let her thoughts slide. She continuous to drive, when she saw a glint of red car pass by, she instantly thought of Castle_**. **_But she didn't mind stops her car at his building. Trying not to get nervous. She got into the elevator, and pressed his floor. She kept on fidgeting. Moving back and forth in the elevator. It finally dinged. Knocking as she stopped by at his door.

Finally someone opened the door and it was Martha.

''Well hello Detective Beckett, I'm assuming you're here for my son?''

''It's Kate, Martha. And yes''

''You just missed him. He left a letter saying he was going to the Hamptons. Which was odd because he just came back.''

''Oh.'' _**Did I just say that? Now she'll definitely ask what's going on.**_

''What's wrong, dear?'' Martha was eyeing her questioningly.

''Nothing.'' _**Great, Kate. Just great.**_

''Kate, I know somethings bothering you. Is it related to why he left?''

It's the moment of truth ''Yes.'' she finally admited. ''I said something that might have broken his heart.''

''What did you say?''

''We were talking about the reason why I broke up with Tom. I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship right now. I think he heard it wrong.''

''So, what are you going to do now, Kate.''

''My plan is to go to the Hamptons. I'll talk to him and tell him he's deaf.''

''You go do that in the morning kiddo.''

''I plan on it.''


End file.
